You Just Never Know... 

...what can happen to well laid plans when you mix in a bunch of drunken hashers. The dynamics of a particular hash are unpredictable. Make it a pub crawl and with alcohol abundant and food consumption consisting mostly of swallowing one’s own acid reflux (lugies, phlegm, etc.) and the hash circle cannot only become obnoxious, but also divided and influenced by some drunken bastard within ones distorted ear-shot. 

This folks is how the TH3 Erection Run 2004 unraveled.

 Drunken, chaotic, out of control, this helter-skelter, higgledy-piggledy event, according to my recollection went something like this:

 Rumors preceded the hash and magot and Knees Wide Open were threatened and even chided they would become the next JGMs of the Tacoma Hash. At first this seemed a very attractive opportunity to me until I learned it was not in the TH3 constitution that the JGMs consummate their office through sexual relations. Apparently, our outgoing JGMs, Bunny Phu Phu and Groper were simply observed in consummating positions because Groper thought he was fondling a bald mobile hooker that night in Bunny’s RV. Bunny, well he admitted reluctantly that he’d had a longstanding crush on Groper.

So, once I learned sex with Knees was not part of the job and upon my nomination, I nominated Cosmos knowing he’d be the popular candidate of the drunken, young male dominated circle. To farther entice the unrulies to vote for Cosmos I conveniently went in search of more beer while Crash stood in my place and lost the vote. C’mon Crash, you could’ve at least flashed the bastards like Two Fingers did and then was outdone by Pissin’ Hole who removed her top and was unable to get it back on until the drunken, young male hashers (who didn’t vote for Cosmos) offered to help her get her top back on. Did I mention this erection occurred in the Swiss, one of Tacoma’s finest drinking and eating establishments?

So, now we have our JGMs. Not sure who was elected next but some bastard nominated me for RA. This was fine with me but apparently another conspiracy was in the make. This time, a small deviant group was scheming to sway the vote of RA toward Festering Drip while making me their incumbent for On Sec. I was fine with this too as I was just happy I wasn’t going to lug the vessels and coolers for a third straight year.

Well guess what happens next, somebody (outside the conspirers circle) nominates me for RA and the conspirers nominate Festering and guess who wins? I do of course and Festering is elected as On Sec. But that’s ok because Fes and I learn the following day that the strong-arm group of inner thugs switched us of our elected positions despite popular and democratic selection processes.

This was the 2000 Presidential election all over again. Well, at least similar, kind of.

Surely Beermeister, beer beotch, whatever you want to call it will be much easier to select, right? Not with this group of malcontents. Fact is, though Cosmos coerced us to vote 5-8 different times by screaming and whooping for our choice, nobody could determine if Safe Sex was the new Beermeister or if Pissin’ Hole was the new beer beotch. So, for possibly the first time in TH3 history we have co-beer meister-beotches, Safe and Hole.

Other offices went easier. Two Fingers was erected Hare Raiser and all it took to decide her fate was a knock-down, hair pulling, eye gouging, groin kicking fight between Crash and Where’s. I heard they kissed and made up afterwards but aint sure who they kissed or made out with afterwards.

Once the old officers absconded their duties and the fresh meat accepted our new roles, we weren’t quite done. Swollen Festering Gaping Hole found “Just Alan’s” misplaced and neglected military ID and immediately accused him of being a Saddam sympathizer, an easy conclusion to draw. Just so happened the Swiss was saturated with Iraqi intel agents that night and our soon to be named wanker planted his ID in return for a 6-pack of Steel Reserve.

Before I continue I want to thank Swollen for his dedication to protecting us from terrorists like Saddam, and Just Alan. By now you’re wondering what the hell we named the bastard.

Well, as usual everyone present yelled out 2 or 3 offerings and to be honest I recall only the following:

“Saddamany”-this suggestion by 2 Fingers was a play on sodomy and Saddam. Most of the hashers present had a difficult time understanding this way too clever play of words.

Swollen suggested something like; “Raghead F#&*ker, Saddam’s bitch” but I don’t recall exactly.

At this point, Cosmos was slurring his words and was unable to pronounce “Saddamany” but managed to blurt out Sodomy a number of times and apparently that was close enough for this group. Congrats Sodomy, you now have a name to be proud of.

The final note of business that took place during this Erection Run which was run #468, was what to do for run #469! This discussion took place at the pubs during the run and eventually and due to too many “issues” run #469 will take place in a couple months. Confused? Read on.

The next TH3 run is #470 to be followed by #471 with the 469^th tentatively scheduled for Memorial Day weekend and an accompanying campout. Details are being worked out as you read this or in the next few weeks.

I did not note all the hounds on this day and may have missed some of the new officers but no one really gives a rat’s ass and if you’re still reading this you need to get a life.

I apologize for the longevity of this trash and if I write anymore trashes during my term I promise they’ll be shorter.

BTW, the next TH3 Run is Saturday, March, 20^th, go to wh3.org for details.

See you all on trail soon.

magot