California Dreamin'
Hi wankers and bimbos. SF is back on the scene with some
trash from the 436th run CALIFORNIA DREAMING. Ours hares, the amazing
ménage á trois team of LP, BOT and Anahymen started this muddy and thorny
trail at Montlake Park, conveniently located next to Pablo and Sap Clap’s
house, which I will get back to later. Our RA, Twat, lead us all into the hash
with a Travis Shit sermon and then the hounds were off in search of Malibu and
beer. Down the hill, to the water, hounds like Ass-Ma and Fish were confident
that they would be taking the Eagle trail because they’ve never done the
Turkey. Little did they know that around the bend and fifty feet down lay the
murky and deep water that WAS the Eagle trail and the only way on it was a
perilous leap from the bridge! Their records were broken as they turkey-trotted
down the turkey trail while a few crazy hounds, some requiring much tantric*
breathing beforehand, took the leap. This bimbo opted out after watching BnH go
down on her ass and Twat go down – ouch – on his balls. Not having enough,
Pablo and Inserted Backwards, accompanied by Festering,
took a second leap. Of course, adventure wanker, Dim Sum, attacked the
Eagle Trail with his usual no-sweat confidence, while Kenny, now anointed
Mile Guy Club, waited and waited until stepping off the edge. Enough?
Okay. Onward to the next alcohol stop and through a stinking, muddy moat. This
was true trail but for water-phobic wankers and bimbos, including No Ass, Sap
Clap and Muddy Balls (this crossing was meant for a wanker with a name like
that!), running the extra ½ mile off trail was the only way they could get
their dry asses to the Malibu Check. Other mud bugs were Slippery, Quick Drip
and Vagina Walrus, who needed her canine companion, Rio, to come rescue her out
of the thigh-sucking muck.
Through the arboretum we hashed, checking many trails and
wreaking havoc as hash dogs ran freely, terrorizing native plant species of
Washington. Hash confusion ensued at the Malibu check and much stupid debate
over how to find the booze took place until LP showed up and pointed out that we
still needed to run a few hundred yards to get to it. Sweet Malibu drinks were
guzzled by all and BnH retired for a few minutes on the grassy knoll because her
ass was starting to ache. Whilst BnH’s ass changed colors and Twat’s
testicles swelled, Knees finally appeared to bestow her healing powers. A kiss
on BnH’s rear and one on Twat’s head – who said head? - couldn’t heal
the pain but we commend her, I think, for the attempt.
As the sun set and the trail darkened, hounds ran for the
final check. When we arrived at the BN, the instructions were clear, look around
in the trees for the beer. Slippery and Safe Sex located the bag o’ beer in
the darkness and hounds began drinking while Twat tended to his swollen
testicles in the back of BOT’s beer wagon. The question was then put to
Slippery by Pablo “We’re going to take a shower, would you like to join
us?” Hmmm, Pablo and a bunch of bimbos does have its merits but this bimbo
preferred the sweet stench of mud to a shower with the likes of a Vagina Walrus!
At the circle, Piss Boy led us in to a hash rendition of
“California Dreamin’” and began the final charges...for being new to the
hash, Just Sabrina’s mom joined the circle of virgins. Requiring no
translation in the universal hash language, she looked down into the sacred
vessel and exclaimed “This is beer!” then downed it all in record time
without a drop to spare! We look forward to her return.
Beer was consumed by Vagina Walrus, Quick Drip and Pablo, who returned
late and clean to the circle...for Deck Dick, who avoided a confrontation with
BOT’s leathery palm by not revealing a recent birthday...and to the wounded
wankers who took the plunge, a beer for your busted butt and balls!
On,on
Slippery* adj : of or relating to Tantrism; "tantric rituals" - Any of a comparatively recent class of Hindu or Buddhist religious literature written in Sanskrit and concerned with powerful ritual acts of body, speech, and mind.